Thelma and Louise Internacional — Part II
Woooo, it’s wedding day! But not until later in the evening.
We start our morning sitting out on our balcony enjoying a smoke (AA) and coffee (me). The birds are singing so loudly I mention that our balcony is like living INSIDE the Aviary. No complaints, for sure! While we were sitting outside, AA notices a rodent-looking animal – “Is that a rat?!” I assure her that it is not because it does not have a long tail. A quick photo upload with the caption “What is this animal?” brings us an answer that it
is probably an agouti, a rodent species that is related to guinea pigs except they are larger and have longer, bunny-like legs. At one point, we had sighted two agouti, and then one was surrounded by five large birds forming a circle. It was hard to tell who was the hunter was who was the prey. Way to start our morning with a nature show!
This morning, we planned to check out a different breakfast buffet. We were told to walk out a separate entrance of our building (heading towards the beach) then take a right at the jaguar statue, and a breakfast buffet was supposed to be close. Once we get to said breakfast buffet area, we discover that it’s lunch only and not yet serving food for the day. We make our way through the pool area and head back into another resort area. The search for the breakfast buffet is almost like my experience walking from one end of Las Vegas Boulevard to the Statue of Liberty. She looks close, but she’s really 12 large blocks away! We pick up our pace because we think the buffet ends soon. As we’re walking, we see a palm tree disguised as ET.
We must be getting delirious from the hunger! At last, we find the buffet restaurant and are ready to swim the moat to get inside since we can’t find the entrance! Food! We finally found food! Once inside, we learn that we have a little more time to grab breakfast, so we fill our plates quickly with what buffet food is still available while schlepping back and forth from our table which was literally as far from the food as possible.
After breakfast, we decide to walk along the beach to head back to our room to change into our pool attire. Again, it is just UNBELIEVABLE how beautiful this place is. Once sunscreened and suited up, with pool bags packed, we head back to the main resort so we can check in with Apple Vacations to confirm our transportation back to the airport. While at the main building, we explore the carts selling brightly colored souvenirs. Since we were headed directly to the pool, we didn’t stop to buy anything.
We make it to the pool area and find our group. AA wants to do a photo tour/explore of the enormous pool area, so I volunteer to go along. We head into Bubble Oasis (large Jacuzzi section of the pool) and grab seats along the side. AA takes a few (hundred) pictures
and suggests moving on to the next area. I agree, because any longer in Bubble Oasis and I will be FB official with the water jet. We float under a bridge to the rock wall area of the pool. AA would have liked to get a photo under the rocky waterfall, but some people were parked there and not moving. (Waterfall hogs!) We continue to make our way around the pool area and stop at each of the water features/fountains to take pictures. As we head back to where we started, we stop at the swim up Coco Bar in the pool for a drink. We meet up with some of our group who are still hanging around drinking in the pool. Oh, and we also spotted Santa Claus on his vacation!!
By now, it’s time to grab a late lunch to hold us over until the evening reception. We head to the lunch buffet near our building “just past the Jaguar”. As we start our trek, we pass a braid-your-hair stand located on the beach. AA asks me if I’d like to get my hair “Bo Derek’d.” I pause at her question and she quickly answers her own question “Nevermind, we’re only here three more days!” (We’d need at LEAST a week for some poor soul to Bo Derek my entire head of super-thick long hair.) Earlier while in the pool, someone mentions that resort staff walk through the open air buffets with a hawk/eagle/falcon on their wrist to keep the other birds away. AA adds this sighting to her bingo card….which now includes hawks, iguanas, and sea turtles! Soon after we’re shown to our table, AA spots a man with a bird walking thru the seating area. She immediately takes off with her camera.
After our late lunch, we head back to our room to get showered and dressed for the wedding. It’s around 530p and is still 90* with 125% humidity. There’s no way I’m doing anything with my hair but putting it in a French braid! We both discover that we might be a little crispy from being in the sun and in the pool all day….there are a lot of OW and OUCH while we are getting ready. AA keeps trying to check her face for sunburn in the flat screen tv mounted on the wall. It is NOT a mirror! [AA comment: That TV was totally where a mirror should be over the desk/table!] We give ourselves enough time to get up to the main building SLOWLY, without sweating through our wedding-wear, to meet all the wedding guests. As we step on to the elevator, I see the front of a man coming up the stairs in a banana hammock. As AA looks out the elevator, she has the pleasure of seeing the back of said man. Turns out his banana hammock was a THONG! This was NOT on AA’s bingo card of items to see in Mexico or anywhere else for that matter! We walk slowly without any exertion (it’s so freaking humid!) towards the Lobby Bar. Thank goodness the bar was air conditioned! As we’re waiting for the shuttle to arrive, AA is taking pictures
(shocking!) from the balcony and notices an older, larger woman is topless on the beach. Another bonus item on the bingo card? Finally, our shuttle arrives, and we are off to the wedding site at the other end of the resort property!
The beach is set up beautifully for the ceremony and the weather was perfect as the sun was setting. The Mayans are dressed in their customary headdresses and make-up.
As we await the ceremony to begin, a number of wedding guests notice a man wearing a speedo taking photos of the wedding setting. He sticks around for almost the entire ceremony. How’s that for a bonus guest in all your wedding pics? LOL!
The ceremony is a reasonably quick one with the groom in a linen shirt, khaki pants and bare feet while the bride is wearing flip-flops under her semi-traditional gown. Guest attire was casual with shorts and button down shirts on the men and casual sundresses on the women – and a lot of bare feet!
As the ceremony begins, those of us in the front row are trying to figure out if the Mayans performing the ceremony are wearing anything under their Mayan attire.
As we giggle at the male and female bare asses, AA also wonders if they are resort workers by day….and if you get to be a Mayan Wedding Performer if you’ve done your day job really well or really, really poorly. While we didn’t understand a lot of the ceremony, it was still moving. I think AA’s eyes may have leaked jusssssst a bit and BB and the soon to be Mrs. BB looked soooooo happy. While the bride and groom took care of photos following the ceremony, wedding guests enjoyed a cocktail hour on the beach with a fun Mariachi band.
The reception continues on the beach. Mr. and Mrs. Big Baldy enter to Let’s Go Crazy by Prince! The father of the bride gives a lovely toast before dinner. Guests are served Surf and Turf, except AA who is supposed to be served a cheese pizza. By the time dinner arrives, it is dark and we all notice that her cheese pizza is awfully lumpy! Cell phone flashlights to the rescue! She has been served a Hawaiian – ham and pineapple – pizza.
Oops, don’t tell the groom! That doesn’t work as the groom ends up making the rounds to each table to chat with guests. He takes one looks at AA’s pizza in the dark and says “what is THAT?” AA responds with “It’s all good!” but we can see the look on the groom’s face. Groom: But they brought you your French fries, right? AA: It’s all good BB! (there were never any fries). Seriously, the last thing the groom needs to worry about are any inconsequential snafus, that really were NOT a problem. IT’S ALL GOOD.
Following dinner is dancing. The groom tries many times to get AA and me up on the dance floor, but unfortunately, I didn’t feel comfortable dancing with my swollen cankles and grannie knee. We were enjoying our front row seats to everyone else dancing! The bride and groom looked like they had a wonderful evening dancing and mingling with all the guests. Finally, the last song is played and the groom announces that the shuttle is here to take everyone back to the resort. He expects all of us, including me and AA, to meet in the Lobby Bar for the after party. By now, we’re sun tired and sunburnt. Everyone crams into the shuttle to head back. AA and I really don’t want to go to the bar, but don’t want to let BB down, so we hatch our escape plan on the shuttle. We’re going to break away from the group so AA “can have a cigarette” then stealth our way thru the main lobby, past the Lobby Bar’s glass walls and into an elevator to make our getaway unnoticed. Fortunately, no one sees us slinking thru the lobby like the worst ninjas ever and we are able to take our tired, sunburnt bodies back to our room to go to bed.
Big Baldy was on cloud nine all through the day’s festivities and truly happy to be married to the love of his life. It was a beautiful wedding and we were both touched to be included in the celebration of their special day. We are both SO happy for Big Baldy! Our BB is all growed-up!
Note: AA co-authored and contributed pictures for this post.