Category Archives: Relationships
Dinner Conversation
“We had more fun this year on the cruise as not-a-couple.”
“This was the best cruise for me because I had you all to myself.”
Enlightening …
Forgiveness
I’ve read that “forgiveness is not something we do for OTHER PEOPLE. It is something we do for OURSELVES to be able to move forward.”
But for me, forgiveness is one of those ‘easier said than done’ tasks. If you’re one who tends to hold grudges (I am), how do you let go of the wrongs and move on, especially when trust is involved? How do you move forward when the guilty party hasn’t found the courage to talk with you directly about the issues that caused the distrust in the first place?
I don’t struggle with thoughts of forgiveness when I’m committed to hibernating at home. When I’m home alone, I can stew in my angry thoughts. I run into trouble when paths cross socially.
I’m trying to figure out just what exactly I want and whether I can let go. If I expect others to change and grow as a person, I should challenge myself to do the same.
Day 2: Do Overs
Earlier this week, Flawed Memory and I exchanged a few tweets about a ‘do-over’ button. We had seen a screening of About Time the week before which involves the trait of time travel.
Today was a pretty laid back day for me, so I caught myself thinking about this topic a few times. If we had the ability to Time Travel (and knew about it), how far back in our lives would we go?
Would I go back to my teenage years and try not to be such a rebellious teenager?
Would I go back to my late teens and not be so anxious to get out of my mother’s house?
Would I go back and try to have a better relationship with my mother or father?
Would I make go back and make better decisions about my relationships: the high school boyfriend I wanted to marry; the ‘bad boy’ who drew me to him like a moth to a flame; the man I would eventually marry?
How far back would I wish to travel? Regardless of my choice, a do-over of any of the above options would have resulted in a completely different life. While my life hasn’t been perfect, I don’t know that I’d wish for it to be completely different. I am who I am because of the experiences I have had so far.
Where would you go if you had the option to ‘Do-Over’? Would you take advantage of the ability to time travel or would you be happy with your life as it is?
Thank You, Relationship Genius!
If you tell me in one breath that ‘I would rather be with you than doing anything else’ and then make secret plans with others not including me and other friends, I will internally mock you.
If you tell me in one breath that ‘There is nothing that I won’t tell you or talk with you about’ and I then I find out otherwise, I will internally mock you.
If you tell me in one breath that ‘I made a promise to myself to always be honest with you’ and I then I discover otherwise, I will internally mock you.
But the icing on the cake is to see this posted on a Facebook wall.
It is taking all of my self-control to not comment, because you, my Friend, my Buddy, my Pal, fail to mention your role in (or lack of) upholding the Trust and Communication points.
I wanted to post this in retaliation for only the offending party to see but successfully took the high road (and got it off my chest by writing here instead! You know, because no one knows me here. ::wink::).
My Well-Traveled Road of Disappointment
“Remember that time my BF offered to take me away for a weekend with friends because I didn’t have the money to go?
Yeah, me neither.”
So my friends are all headed to Baltimore for the weekend. Because I don’t have the money to go, I’m not.
I thought maybe the boyfriend was going to man-up and offer to take me away for the weekend (something he hasn’t done in the five years we’ve known each other). With wishful thinking, I requested a vacation day today. I coordinated a weekend trade of kid responsibilities with my Ex. But two weeks after our email exchanges discussing it, there has been no follow-up or offer from the boyfriend for me to go.
I don’t know why, but my disappointment is so overwhelming.
Our last email exchange about this trip was that he would “get back to me” about the questions I presented. He didn’t. And I don’t feel that it’s my place to remind him. Nor do I feel that I need to beg for someone who supposedly cares so deeply about me to do something nice for me.
So instead, I will be home all weekend, kid-free, feeling sorry for myself that I let myself be disappointed again.
Before you start thinking ‘well, if you wanted to go, you should pay for yourself.’ Yes, I know this. I do not expect, nor have I ever expected, a man to fund my fun. As I stated before, I have paid my way over the past five years. I have never been comfortable with letting someone pay for me.
I don’t expect anything from others that I wouldn’t do myself.
I’m hoping that I can channel my tears and frustration into a cleaning frenzy so this vacation day and kid-free weekend isn’t a total waste. The weather is supposed to be beautiful, so I’m hoping to be able to take the bike to the trails, clear my head, and get some exercise.
It doesn’t matter how much you care about a person, it doesn’t turn them into the person you wish they could be.
UPDATE: I wake up Saturday morning to an email “This trip would be more fun with you.” So I reply that I’m not there because of him. I forward the unanswered questions email to him. His reply: “I thought we had a conversation about that.” Another reply indicates that he needs to quit having conversations in his head with me because I can’t hear them. No kidding! Boys R Dumb!
College Visit!
Holy crap!
If you’re a frequent visitor, you might know that Vampire Boy is a senior in high school. He is interested in continuing his education and has been working with his dad on college applications. Dad had a good idea — let him apply to colleges within a reasonable driving distance, see where he gets accepted, and then visit those campuses for him to decide where he wants to go.
We had our first college visit this past weekend! As a family unit!
Some background: Dad and I separated in March 2001 with our divorce being final in February 2006 (finally!). It was not a pretty separation thanks to child support issues. Things have been decent on and off over the past five years and I like that we finally seem to be able to have a decent divorced relationship.
Dad and Vampire Boy worked on applications and acceptances started coming in. OK, time to look at the Open House schedules and plan a campus visit. Dad invited me to come along (I had planned on going whether I was invited or not and driving myself if I had to!) and offered for me to ride along with them. Other than the hours we spent sitting on separate sides of the Family Division waiting room, it would be the first time we spent such a substantial part of the day together with the kids.
First visit was this past weekend. Dad picked us up at 6:45 AM for our hour drive. I was worried things would be a little weird, but we got along just fine. We talked and joked around in the car as I presume a ‘normal’ family would. We sat as a family in each of the informational sessions. We went on a campus tour. We checked out the residence halls. We visited the Science building and spoke to one of the chemistry faculty. At one point, we both leaned around from our auditorium seats to look at Vampire Boy when they were explaining that all communication is sent to his University mailbox — his ID was included in his acceptance letter — a mailbox he NEVER looked at! (This makes more sense when I explain that we went to his Open House blindly. He had registered, but did not receive any email or postal mail confirmation of his attendance, and I didn’t think about it until he received a packet from another school confirming his attendance.)
We all loved the campus. We liked the fact that it’s a smaller campus within a reasonable driving distance. We liked the chemistry department and faculty. We liked the student to teacher ratio within the chemistry department (his interest for now). He came away from this Open House knowing that this is where he wants to go to school. I’m trying to encourage him to visit at least one more, but the next Open House is at a larger campus and he is adamant he likes the smaller campus. I don’t think I’m going to win the battle to get him to look any other campuses. I’m ok with that since I did the same exact thing when visiting business schools for myself many (many, many) years ago.
Holy shit, my ‘baby’ is looking forward to going off to college in the Fall.
Are You With The Right Partner?
This seems to be making the rounds on Facebook and I’m saving it here so I can come back and re-read as needed.
Are you with the right partner?
ARE YOU WITH THE RIGHT PARTNER?
During a seminar, a woman asked,” How do I know if I am with the right person?”
The author then noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so he said, “It depends. Is that your partner?” In all seriousness, she answered “How do you know?” Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it’s weighing on your mind
replied the author.
Here’s the answer.
Every relationship has a cycle… In the beginning; you fall in love with your partner. You anticipate their calls, want their touch, and like their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love wasn’t hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn’t have to DO anything. That’s why it’s called “falling” in love.
People in love sometimes say, “I was swept of my feet.”Picture the expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something happened TO YOU.
Falling in love is a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few months or years of being together, the euphoria of love fades. It’s a natural cycle of EVERY relationship.
Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse’s idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts. The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship; you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.
At this point, you and/or your partner might start asking, “Am I with the right person?” And as you reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when relationships breakdown.
The key to succeeding in a relationship is not finding the right person; it’s learning to love the person you found.
People blame their partners for their unhappiness and look outside for fulfillment. Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes.
Infidelity is the most common. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your relationship. It lies within it.
I’m not saying that you couldn’t fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you’d feel better. But you’d be in the same situation a few years later.
Because (listen carefully to this):
The key to succeeding in a Relationship is not finding the right person; it’s learning to love the Person you found.
SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. You have to work on it day in and day out. It takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it demands WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make it work. Make no mistake about it.
Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your partner), Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. If you know how to apply these laws, the results are predictable.
Love is therefore a “decision”. Not just a feeling.
Remember this always: God determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let GO! ♥
[NOTE: The author/speaker is not identified in the FB posts, therefore, I cannot provide the appropriate citation for them.]
The Bitch Desk 
