Category Archives: Ramblings
My Well-Traveled Road of Disappointment
“Remember that time my BF offered to take me away for a weekend with friends because I didn’t have the money to go?
Yeah, me neither.”
So my friends are all headed to Baltimore for the weekend. Because I don’t have the money to go, I’m not.
I thought maybe the boyfriend was going to man-up and offer to take me away for the weekend (something he hasn’t done in the five years we’ve known each other). With wishful thinking, I requested a vacation day today. I coordinated a weekend trade of kid responsibilities with my Ex. But two weeks after our email exchanges discussing it, there has been no follow-up or offer from the boyfriend for me to go.
I don’t know why, but my disappointment is so overwhelming.
Our last email exchange about this trip was that he would “get back to me” about the questions I presented. He didn’t. And I don’t feel that it’s my place to remind him. Nor do I feel that I need to beg for someone who supposedly cares so deeply about me to do something nice for me.
So instead, I will be home all weekend, kid-free, feeling sorry for myself that I let myself be disappointed again.
Before you start thinking ‘well, if you wanted to go, you should pay for yourself.’ Yes, I know this. I do not expect, nor have I ever expected, a man to fund my fun. As I stated before, I have paid my way over the past five years. I have never been comfortable with letting someone pay for me.
I don’t expect anything from others that I wouldn’t do myself.
I’m hoping that I can channel my tears and frustration into a cleaning frenzy so this vacation day and kid-free weekend isn’t a total waste. The weather is supposed to be beautiful, so I’m hoping to be able to take the bike to the trails, clear my head, and get some exercise.
It doesn’t matter how much you care about a person, it doesn’t turn them into the person you wish they could be.
UPDATE: I wake up Saturday morning to an email “This trip would be more fun with you.” So I reply that I’m not there because of him. I forward the unanswered questions email to him. His reply: “I thought we had a conversation about that.” Another reply indicates that he needs to quit having conversations in his head with me because I can’t hear them. No kidding! Boys R Dumb!
College Visit!
Holy crap!
If you’re a frequent visitor, you might know that Vampire Boy is a senior in high school. He is interested in continuing his education and has been working with his dad on college applications. Dad had a good idea — let him apply to colleges within a reasonable driving distance, see where he gets accepted, and then visit those campuses for him to decide where he wants to go.
We had our first college visit this past weekend! As a family unit!
Some background: Dad and I separated in March 2001 with our divorce being final in February 2006 (finally!). It was not a pretty separation thanks to child support issues. Things have been decent on and off over the past five years and I like that we finally seem to be able to have a decent divorced relationship.
Dad and Vampire Boy worked on applications and acceptances started coming in. OK, time to look at the Open House schedules and plan a campus visit. Dad invited me to come along (I had planned on going whether I was invited or not and driving myself if I had to!) and offered for me to ride along with them. Other than the hours we spent sitting on separate sides of the Family Division waiting room, it would be the first time we spent such a substantial part of the day together with the kids.
First visit was this past weekend. Dad picked us up at 6:45 AM for our hour drive. I was worried things would be a little weird, but we got along just fine. We talked and joked around in the car as I presume a ‘normal’ family would. We sat as a family in each of the informational sessions. We went on a campus tour. We checked out the residence halls. We visited the Science building and spoke to one of the chemistry faculty. At one point, we both leaned around from our auditorium seats to look at Vampire Boy when they were explaining that all communication is sent to his University mailbox — his ID was included in his acceptance letter — a mailbox he NEVER looked at! (This makes more sense when I explain that we went to his Open House blindly. He had registered, but did not receive any email or postal mail confirmation of his attendance, and I didn’t think about it until he received a packet from another school confirming his attendance.)
We all loved the campus. We liked the fact that it’s a smaller campus within a reasonable driving distance. We liked the chemistry department and faculty. We liked the student to teacher ratio within the chemistry department (his interest for now). He came away from this Open House knowing that this is where he wants to go to school. I’m trying to encourage him to visit at least one more, but the next Open House is at a larger campus and he is adamant he likes the smaller campus. I don’t think I’m going to win the battle to get him to look any other campuses. I’m ok with that since I did the same exact thing when visiting business schools for myself many (many, many) years ago.
Holy shit, my ‘baby’ is looking forward to going off to college in the Fall.
This ‘n That
I’ve had thoughts swirling around for the past few weeks and meant to get them typed up, but with my #MadCowMomBrain, I lost them just as quickly as I composed them in my head.
So how about a month (or so) recap?
Tip: Don’t try to learn how to decorate cookies on the day OF your party. Some of these say 50, some look like they say SO.
I threw a surprise birthday party for FM. Using a private Facebook event inviting our close friends, I conspired with his eldest daughter and best friend on how to get him here AFTER everyone else arrived. I took off two days prior to the party to finish up with my cleaning and get started on all of the cooking. Even with a limited fun budget, I was able to pull off a decent party! #YayMe On the day of the party, the best friend kept FM busy during the day and the eldest daughter made plans to take her Dad out to dinner. I almost hit a snag when he invited me to join them, but using the excuse of just having had pizza for dinner and feeling like a night in with a movie saved me!
Vampire Boy’s senior pictures came back. He took a great picture!
I survived a week of having an extra roommate. FM’s house was having some work done so he couldn’t stay there for five days. Sometimes when the household chores and bills seem overwhelming, I think it would be nice to have someone to share the house with. I think a week of having a man live here may have fixed that curiosity. It went better than I thought it would considering my place isn’t that large and it only has one bathroom. Have been on my own for over ten years now, I’m back to wondering if I’ll ever be able to live with someone again.
I had a truly upsetting event involving Social Diva. She ended up being extremely rude to FM on his last night here. Throw in a bad literature grade and I’m ready to curb her social activities until the grade comes up. She asks to go to the football game with her good friend who lives close by. Since I adore this friend, I cave and allow her go. She ends up texting me from the game that she’s with another friend and asks if they can have a sleepover. The smoke began to stream from my ears. Since she ditched (she claims she ‘lost’) her friend and was hanging out with another friend, I call her to let her know that I am on my way over to pick her up. Did I over-react? Maybe. However, the ditching friends thing is a problem. I was not rewarding her bad behavior and bad grade by letting her stay out. On top of all of that, she flat out lied to me to get to the game and the lies continued as the night went on. In five minutes, I turned into a yelling lunatic (which I never do) and scared the hell out of both kids. There was yelling, door slamming, many tears (both her and I), the kids exchanging text messages with their father (whose house she wanted to go to), and a chat with big brother. All in all, it was a horrible evening for me.
Thankfully, today (Sunday) turned out to be a productive day. I got some errands run, weatherproofed my basement windows (it’s not pretty, but let’s hope it keeps the drafts out), and made room for my car in the garage. I’ve got high hopes that the rest of this week is better than this weekend. (This week was the anniversary of my dad’s passing and what would have been my wedding anniversary.) I have high hopes that I can snap out of this funk that I’m in.
Next weekend is a road trip to see Red Wanting Blue, so things have to improve, right?
It’s Not My Parenting Style
So Vampire Boy and the Ex conspired behind my back.
I picked up Vampire Boy to drive him to work last Friday. As we’re sitting in morning traffic, chatting about nothing, I notice a piece of paper hanging out of his shorts pocket. I asked him what it was and he paused, not wanting to answer.
I pulled out the piece of paper and unfolded it. It was a letter resigning him from his position at the zoo, using the excuse that it was his senior year of high school and he was going to be busy with school and soccer responsibilities.
L.A.M.E. E.X.C.U.S.E.
I didn’t say anything at first, because of the shock of their behavior doing this behind my back. But the more I drove towards the zoo, the more pissed off I got, the more I didn’t say, and the more my eyes filled with tears at the “lesson” the Ex was teaching my son. The “lesson” I don’t approve of!
* I don’t approve of him giving up before even attempting to manage his senior year schedule of responsibilities.
* I don’t approve of sneaking behind someone’s back.
* I don’t approve of neither of them trying to talk about their plan.
Instead of encouraging him to give school work, soccer responsibilities, and the zoo schedule a chance and to TEACH him how to organize his life, Dad just gave him the go-ahead, and actually helped him write/print the letter to turn in. Now Dad has not been worried about scheduling the boy for his ACT exam, hasn’t been worried about senior pictures, hasn’t been worried about soccer schedule, etc. But he can worry BEFORE SCHOOL EVEN STARTS about how he should be able to enjoy his senior year.
So in (immature) retaliation, I sent over a copy of all of the paperwork that was just received in the mail regarding the start of the school year, including the registration information for the ACT exam, as well as the thick stack of advertisements I’ve been saving for senior pictures. If he’s so worried about his son’s “senior year,” he can now worry about all of the IMPORTANT senior year things.
I have resigned myself to the fact that if he doesn’t register him for the ACT exam, that they will have to figure out what he’s going to do about college.
I have resigned myself to the fact that if they drop the ball regarding senior pictures, there is a chance my son will not be in his senior yearbook.
Being a slight bit of a control freak, it certainly won’t be easy for me to not take make sure these things are taken care of.
But it will be interesting to see how things play out over the next few months.
I Wish …
I WISH …
That instead of being “worrying” about Vampire Boy and his work schedule at the zoo that you ENCOURAGED him.
That you encouraged him to be a good employee with a good work ethic.
That you encouraged him to think ahead to manage and organize his time with work, soccer, and school responsibilities.
That you encouraged him to keep his first real paying job.
BUT INSTEAD …
You complain about the road closures and the drive.
When you drive him only ONE trip, ONE WAY, per week.
And encourage him to give up this first job.
Instead of teaching him to a good work ethic.
And how to hang in for both the good AND the bad.
I guess that’s why I have had only two jobs in 26 years … and he’s had numerous jobs and periods of unemployment.
I guess that’s why I didn’t give up on our marriage and I wasn’t the one who walked away.
Instead of worrying about the job at the zoo,
How about encouraging him to study for the ACT?
How about worrying about if he’s scheduled for his senior pictures?
How about worrying what he’s wearing for senior pictures?
It’s hard to co-parent when one parent thinks a kid should do more, yet the other parent doesn’t.
#EndRant
A Woman’s Rule of Thumb …
Friday night I’ve promised to attend the burlesque debut of @BeingCharlee. Flawed Memory is also supposed to go. He offers for the two of us to ride together since parking will be limited. The plan is for me to drop my daughter off at her pool birthday party, and he’ll pick me up at 8:30.
At 8:30, my phone rings. FM’s car won’t start. So I offer to go pick him up and drive us to the show. This should be easy, right?
As I’m driving out the Parkway, I get this feeling that this Friday the 13th isn’t going to end well. FM’s car won’t start. Social Diva is at a pool party. I’m going out on a Friday (i.e., “Mom”) night (which is rare for me). I try to shake off the feeling as I reach my exit.
And then it happens. As I’m driving through the empty section of parking lot, I don’t see the concrete section/curb jutting out until it’s too late. I wasn’t playing with my phone, but I was searching the parking lot for the broken down car. The grassy area didn’t have a light pole or tree (which was pointed out to me later). I swerved at the last minute, but my front passenger side tire hits and goes up over the curb. Thinking I had damaged my front bumper, I immediately pull over into a parking spot to check for damage and find an immediately flat tire. [I had just purchased these new tires one month ago and DIDN’T get the road hazard!] FM helps change my tire and guess what? The spare has barely any air! Not only am I ready to burst into tears, I’m ready to scrap my plans for the night. Since we both said we were coming to the debut, he reassures me that everything will be ok and we head back into town. Fortunately, the spare holds the air while we were at the venue and throughout the night.
Fast forward to Saturday morning. I have to drive Vampire Boy to work. The plan is then to take FM to try to start his car which we were able to do by “popping the clutch.” We head to Wal Mart so I can check into whether my tire is salvageable (it wasn’t) and whether they can look at his car (they couldn’t). There goes $100 I didn’t need to spend to replace the tire.
This wasn’t how I planned on spending the weekend before returning to work after my staycation!
A woman’s rule of thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you’re going to have trouble with it!
We Were On A Break!
So much has happened since my last angry post. The rebound relationship is no longer, there’s been some progress in the breakdown of communication, and there have been a few nights of serious heart-to-heart conversations that have gone on into the early morning hours (lucky for me that I’m on vacation and can nap at the pool during the day).
I can’t help but chuckle and this clip keeps running through my mind.
I have also learned that my stubbornness is a detriment to my happiness. I need to work on this more.
We’ll see …
The Rebound
As defined by urbandictionary.com:
* Going from one relationship to the next right away to avoid the pain of a breakup;
* Hooking up with someone shortly after being dumped (by someone else) so that you still feel wanted;
* The kind of relationship that’s simply happening in order to get over one that recently ended.
You know it happens. I know it happens. At some point, it happens in everyone’s lives. I’ve had (and known that they were) rebound relationships. You don’t care that the person isn’t really compatible with you, but you don’t care, you just want to “be” with someone (mentally or physically) because you hate to be/feel alone.
I’m the one who stepped away from my most recent relationship. I’m smart enough to work on what I’m not happy with related to me. I can’t be (and I’m not) upset that he chose to dive right into another relationship. Where I think he is making a mistake — he’s not concerned about what went wrong with us and how to fix that for any future relationships.
Rebounds are great to help get you past the hurt, but you can’t ignore the underlying reason(s) for why prior relationships didn’t work. When that rebound relationship ends? You’re back to being alone. You’re not any better off than where you began.
In the end, you have to love yourself first. Bringing someone else into your life should be the gravy. At my age with a failed marriage and handful of ended relationships under my belt, I’m not willing to settle for “It’s OK.” The next man I allow into my circle had better plan to bring a lot to the relationship table. I can’t and won’t settle for less.
Moving (Not Me)
My sister, Queen of Questionable Decisions, told me around the end of January that she decided to move in with her boyfriend (of ? number of months; she’s never been clear about how long they were ‘dating’).
The Queen is the mom of two children: her oldest is 15, her youngest is 7.
Apparently, the Queen had thought out her move carefully. She was going to move necessary items to the BF’s house in Bobtown, PA (Greene County, yikes!) and would place her furniture and household items not needed at a storage facility. Sounds like a good plan, right?
Before I left for my Rock Boat vacation, I made the mistake of telling the Queen that I could help her when I returned from my trip.
Some background: I have helped the Queen move at least ten times over the past 15 years. I am the only person who promises to help her and actually shows up. Her friends (the Smart Ones) forget, can’t make it, have other plans, or fill in the blank, when the Queen mentions moving. For one move, it was me, the Queen, and one of her friends. Of the three of us, I was the only one who was not post-gastric bypass surgery with restrictions on heavy lifting. That move involved icy roads and rickety steps into an apartment. Don’t be jealous.
So I’m sitting in the Orlando airport waiting for my flight home from my awesome vacation. I text the Queen to inquire as to how her move was going. (She had given three weeks’ notice at her job and her last day was the week before I left on vacation. She had an entire week to get started on packing.)
Our text exchange:
What the F happened when I was away? Oh wait, I’m getting off track of the subject of this post. SQUIRREL!
Back to the move. I gave my kids the option of coming with me to help or staying home and sleeping in. My smart kids elected to stay home and sleep in.
The plan was for her to arrive with the U-Haul truck at 10 AM. At 9:45, when I am 10 minutes away from arrival at her house, I get a text from her that she should be there at 10:30.
Me: That’s ok, I have a key and can let myself in.
Queen: I changed the locks on New Years.
Awesome! After two cups of coffee and a 45 minute drive, I need to pee! Sister shows up within 10 minutes. Whew, that was close.
So I take a look around. I don’t see a packed box in sight. I see closets and dressers still full of clothes. I see jewelry still hanging from hooks. In her kids’ room, there are containers full of toys (that are never played with). It’s 10:15 and I’m ready to burst into tears. Nothing is ready. Nothing is marked on whether it’s going to the new house or going to storage.
Her new husband shows up with his cousin. So there’s 4 of us and only 3 of us can carry heavy stuff. (She’s post-surgery and restricted to no heavy lifting.) Here we go again! Her husband has no clue on how to move or pack a moving truck! About an hour into trying to get her organized, my mom and step-dad show up. Whew, at least another body who can help carry stuff! I joke a million times (not exaggerating) about signing the Queen up for Hoarders.
Thanks to my bossiness, we get the truck loaded with the items going to Bobtown. The husband’s cousin had to be home by 2:30, so they headed to unload. Mom, step-dad, and I aren’t making the drive to unload so we head to lunch. Their ETA to return with truck is within 2-1/2 hours. We have lunch, hang out at mom’s house to kill time, and head back to sister’s around 2:30. She soon calls and say’s she’ll be there in a hour (3:30). Fabulous! I had hoped to leave by 4 so this was just awesome news. (#Sarcasm)
To speed things up, we begin carrying and lining up the items going to storage. To make a long story short, we get the truck loaded with items going to storage. It’s now 4:15. Since I had left my kids at home all day, I am now ready to leave. I apologized for not sticking around to unload at the storage unit, but I wanted to get home to my kids.
Once I get home, I pass out for a two hour coma nap. I wake up to a text thanking me for my help, and stating that “she did everything by herself.” I still don’t know what she thinks she did since NOTHING was packed or ready. After dinner and a hot shower, I am back in bed at 10 PM and sound asleep within minutes. Exciting Saturday night in my life!
LESSON LEARNED: The next time my sister mentions moving that does not involve a professional moving team, I am busy.
Braces Removal Day, Endless Driving, and Computer Disappointment
Day 3 of NaBloPoMo. I have no real topic to focus on.
Today, Vampire Boy had his bottom braces removed. My first born has morphed from the darling baby he was into a charming young man. Coming from a person who told her mother that her grandchildren would be four-legged fur faces, that says a lot. Vampire Boy wasn’t that impressed about having the braces removed as he needs to wear a lower retainer 24/7 for a year, followed by nighttime wear for the second year. He now has a more beautiful smile and is truly growing into a handsome young adult.
I feel like I spent most of my afternoon/evening in my car. I left work early to pick him up a theater practice (he’s on stage crew and they’re practicing for next week’s performance). After dropping him at the orthodontist’s office, I headed over to the Middle School to pick up Social Diva from Homework Club. Since I was early, I returned my (severely) past-due library books (got the fines reduced to $10 each). After running Social Diva over to her dad’s, I head back to the orthodontist’s office to pick up Vampire Boy and review the instructions with the orthodontist. It’s back in the car to take VB back to the school to finish out the rehearsal. I’m half-way home and I get a text “please come back, we’re done.” [Sigh] I head back over to pick him up and transport him to dad’s.
I was anxious to get home because my Vista CD finally arrived. For those who don’t follow me on Facebook or Twitter, my computer died on Sunday. After spending days researching how to recover my files, I was anxious to sit down and try recovery again. Unfortunately, I don’t know enough about recovery to use the CDs without completely wiping out my system. I’m back to Square One. I don’t mind doing a factory reset, but I am anxious about recovering the documents, files, and photos from my machine. They look like they’re still there. The challenge is going to be getting them transferred out.
The next two days are going to be crazy ones. I hope I can write something worth keeping your attention!
The Bitch Desk 
