Author Archives: thebitchdesk
Day 4: The Voice
The Voice ~ Shel Silverstein
I’ve been ignoring the voice for a few years now.
It used to be a quiet voice that whispered “something isn’t right.”
But I tried to give the benefit of the doubt.
I tried to be flexible with my thoughts and feelings. My wants and expectations.
I tried to not want for everything to be about me.
But the voice kept getting louder and louder.
And as my unhappiness grew and the pounds packed on, the voice finally yelled loud enough at me.
But it IS about me. My health is important to me. My happiness is important to me. And while I can’t make everyone around me happy, I need to start with allowing myself to be happy. And work on making that happiness happen.
So I’m listening to the voice inside.
Day 3: So Very Thankful
While Friday night was a fun night at the Pens game, and Saturday (day and night) allowed me to be a total slug, I had big plans for today! After heading to bed early Saturday night, I woke up at 4:30 this morning — partially on my own, partially thanks to a cat who doesn’t understand Daylight Savings Time. I finally gave up got out of bed at 5 AM and figured I’d get a head start on my day.
Kids asked to be picked up from their Dad’s at 11, so I spent the morning preparing chili for the crock pot and the afternoon making cookies for Vampire Boy to take back to school. It was nice having him here for the afternoon. He hates the food service at school so he made sure to fill up on home made stuff while he was here.
It’s a decent 45 minute or so drive to take him back to school on a fairly deserted highway. I had a few emotional moments behind sunglasses while driving there and back. I am so fortunate that both of my children are fairly well-behaved and fairly well-mannered. There are so many distractions for kids these days and it can be easy for them to get caught up in the wrong things.
So on this crisp November day, I am so very thankful.
(And I may head to bed before 9 because I am also so very tired!)
Day 2: Do Overs
Earlier this week, Flawed Memory and I exchanged a few tweets about a ‘do-over’ button. We had seen a screening of About Time the week before which involves the trait of time travel.
Today was a pretty laid back day for me, so I caught myself thinking about this topic a few times. If we had the ability to Time Travel (and knew about it), how far back in our lives would we go?
Would I go back to my teenage years and try not to be such a rebellious teenager?
Would I go back to my late teens and not be so anxious to get out of my mother’s house?
Would I go back and try to have a better relationship with my mother or father?
Would I make go back and make better decisions about my relationships: the high school boyfriend I wanted to marry; the ‘bad boy’ who drew me to him like a moth to a flame; the man I would eventually marry?
How far back would I wish to travel? Regardless of my choice, a do-over of any of the above options would have resulted in a completely different life. While my life hasn’t been perfect, I don’t know that I’d wish for it to be completely different. I am who I am because of the experiences I have had so far.
Where would you go if you had the option to ‘Do-Over’? Would you take advantage of the ability to time travel or would you be happy with your life as it is?
Day 1 (late): A Fun Friday Evening!
I had plans for a quiet Friday evening as Social Diva was supposed to go with her Dad to pick up Vampire Boy from school.
However, early Friday morning I was asked if I was interested in going to the Pens game. Of course, I said “Yes!” and then had to figure out who to take with me. Social Diva wasn’t answering her texts. Another friend had just firmed up date plans. And the third friend wasn’t responding to a FB message. Finally, three hours later, Social Diva replies that she is interested.
I have been to Pens games before but at the old Mellon Arena. I was looking forward to my first game at the Consol Energy Center. We got there early enough to see some pre-game warm-ups and get something to eat.
The seats were great! Social Diva loved her first professional hockey game. And Mom had a fun girls’ night out.
Many thanks to the kind person who gave me the seats for the game. A plate of their favorite cookies will be made to go along with a nice thank you note for their generosity.
Thank You, Relationship Genius!
If you tell me in one breath that ‘I would rather be with you than doing anything else’ and then make secret plans with others not including me and other friends, I will internally mock you.
If you tell me in one breath that ‘There is nothing that I won’t tell you or talk with you about’ and I then I find out otherwise, I will internally mock you.
If you tell me in one breath that ‘I made a promise to myself to always be honest with you’ and I then I discover otherwise, I will internally mock you.
But the icing on the cake is to see this posted on a Facebook wall.
It is taking all of my self-control to not comment, because you, my Friend, my Buddy, my Pal, fail to mention your role in (or lack of) upholding the Trust and Communication points.
I wanted to post this in retaliation for only the offending party to see but successfully took the high road (and got it off my chest by writing here instead! You know, because no one knows me here. ::wink::).
Staycation 2013
It’s a good vacation if you feel like you’ve been away from work for a month, right?
Between high school graduation at the beginning of June through the arrival of my new faculty hires this July 1st, I’ve felt like a hamster on a never-ending wheel. I needed this week off! I was looking forward to getting some things done around the house, hanging out at the pool, and enjoying a lazy week of staycation.
Mother Nature had other plans for me.
I only got one pool day in. My birthday was completely uneventful. While I should have disconnected from work, I did check emails every morning just to make sure everything was ok at work. I didn’t get ANYTHING done around the house like I wanted to. My basement had a little bit of water pooling, but fortunately nothing as bad as other areas of the city.
On the plus side:
* I went tubing on a river for the very first time. I lost my favorite hat and my sunglasses, but I didn’t drown. If you’re looking for a fun day trip, check out Coal Tubin’.
* I spent eight hours with my toes in the sand at Presque Isle.
* I did get to hang out with the kids, even with one working this summer and the other sleeping her summer vacation away.
* Vampire Boy attended an Orientation Program at Cal U to finish registering for classes. It’s hard to believe that he only has one more month at home before he goes off to school.
On the down side:
* I didn’t win the Powerball, so I have to go back to work.
* I haven’t met a millionaire who wants to support me, so I have to go back to work.
* Tomorrow, I have to go back to work.
I’d much rather be here:
Presque Isle, Beach 6
Six more weeks until vacation at OBX. I’m really looking forward to getting away, really away, for a week at a real beach with some great people and what looks like an awesome house. I’ll need the trip after getting Vampire Boy off to college and Social Diva ready for her final year at middle school.
Six more weeks … I can do it, right?!
One Down … One to Go
Vampire Boy graduated from high school last Wednesday. The week brought both moments of joy and moments of sadness. Joy that he made it through high school. Joy that he didn’t get pulled in by the wrong crowd. Joy that he got accepted to a handful of colleges. Joy that he had done it. Sadness that my “little boy” is now an adult ready to venture off into the world. Sadness that I’m getting old (but that’s another post itself).
I held myself together pretty well at commencement, only tearing up (in public) twice. The first time as they were marching from the school to the football field. The second time as his name was announced and he received his diploma. Social Diva kept yelling at me to put down my sunglasses when she noticed my chin quivering. (She’s so supportive. /sarcasm)
He didn’t want a graduation party, but I was able to surprise him with a small get together with a few of my friends and his grandparents (my in-laws) and his aunt in from Boston. As I made sure everyone had enough to eat and drink, he came out of his shell and sat and talked with everyone.
He’ll start his summer job on Tuesday working with the school district as summer maintenance. I’m guessing that he’ll wish he went back to the zoo after eight hours of manual labor.
As the title says, one down, one more (Social Diva) to go. I’m guessing these next five years are going to fly by!
Summer 2000 (Age 5)
Graduation (June 2013)
Opening Weekend!
It’s been a weird spring, but Memorial Day weekend is finally here. Unfortunately, Mother Nature didn’t cooperate with us on Saturday for pool opening day. The temperature high for the day was 62* on Saturday, so we bailed on the tradition of pool opening day. But Sunday’s forecast was 68* for the high. When I finally rolled out of bed at 8:30 AM (finally sleeping in for a change!), it was a brisk 54* outside but the sun was shining and there wasn’t a cloud in the sky! (Can you see how blue it is?!)
I didn’t move quickly like a ‘normal’ weekend day for the pool. I had recently ordered (thanks to a gift card) a new beach towel, but that’s the ONLY thing I had handy first thing Sunday morning! I couldn’t remember where I had put my swim bag and sunscreen! I was able to find everything, get my bag packed, and get over to the pool around 12:30, when the temps moved from the 50s to the low 60s. Not surprising, there were maybe only ten people there, with two (kids, of course) actually splashing around in the water.
The water was too cold to even think about going in. It ended up being a gorgeous day to lay outside (with sunscreen in the double-digits) AND I managed to not come home with any sunburn.
On the calendar today is our annual trip to Kennywood. I’ve been awake since 5 AM like a kid on Christmas morning!
To all of our veterans who serve, have served, or have given their life for our freedom, a heart-felt thank you for your service.
Happy Memorial Day, everyone!
My Well-Traveled Road of Disappointment
“Remember that time my BF offered to take me away for a weekend with friends because I didn’t have the money to go?
Yeah, me neither.”
So my friends are all headed to Baltimore for the weekend. Because I don’t have the money to go, I’m not.
I thought maybe the boyfriend was going to man-up and offer to take me away for the weekend (something he hasn’t done in the five years we’ve known each other). With wishful thinking, I requested a vacation day today. I coordinated a weekend trade of kid responsibilities with my Ex. But two weeks after our email exchanges discussing it, there has been no follow-up or offer from the boyfriend for me to go.
I don’t know why, but my disappointment is so overwhelming.
Our last email exchange about this trip was that he would “get back to me” about the questions I presented. He didn’t. And I don’t feel that it’s my place to remind him. Nor do I feel that I need to beg for someone who supposedly cares so deeply about me to do something nice for me.
So instead, I will be home all weekend, kid-free, feeling sorry for myself that I let myself be disappointed again.
Before you start thinking ‘well, if you wanted to go, you should pay for yourself.’ Yes, I know this. I do not expect, nor have I ever expected, a man to fund my fun. As I stated before, I have paid my way over the past five years. I have never been comfortable with letting someone pay for me.
I don’t expect anything from others that I wouldn’t do myself.
I’m hoping that I can channel my tears and frustration into a cleaning frenzy so this vacation day and kid-free weekend isn’t a total waste. The weather is supposed to be beautiful, so I’m hoping to be able to take the bike to the trails, clear my head, and get some exercise.
It doesn’t matter how much you care about a person, it doesn’t turn them into the person you wish they could be.
UPDATE: I wake up Saturday morning to an email “This trip would be more fun with you.” So I reply that I’m not there because of him. I forward the unanswered questions email to him. His reply: “I thought we had a conversation about that.” Another reply indicates that he needs to quit having conversations in his head with me because I can’t hear them. No kidding! Boys R Dumb!
College Visit!
Holy crap!
If you’re a frequent visitor, you might know that Vampire Boy is a senior in high school. He is interested in continuing his education and has been working with his dad on college applications. Dad had a good idea — let him apply to colleges within a reasonable driving distance, see where he gets accepted, and then visit those campuses for him to decide where he wants to go.
We had our first college visit this past weekend! As a family unit!
Some background: Dad and I separated in March 2001 with our divorce being final in February 2006 (finally!). It was not a pretty separation thanks to child support issues. Things have been decent on and off over the past five years and I like that we finally seem to be able to have a decent divorced relationship.
Dad and Vampire Boy worked on applications and acceptances started coming in. OK, time to look at the Open House schedules and plan a campus visit. Dad invited me to come along (I had planned on going whether I was invited or not and driving myself if I had to!) and offered for me to ride along with them. Other than the hours we spent sitting on separate sides of the Family Division waiting room, it would be the first time we spent such a substantial part of the day together with the kids.
First visit was this past weekend. Dad picked us up at 6:45 AM for our hour drive. I was worried things would be a little weird, but we got along just fine. We talked and joked around in the car as I presume a ‘normal’ family would. We sat as a family in each of the informational sessions. We went on a campus tour. We checked out the residence halls. We visited the Science building and spoke to one of the chemistry faculty. At one point, we both leaned around from our auditorium seats to look at Vampire Boy when they were explaining that all communication is sent to his University mailbox — his ID was included in his acceptance letter — a mailbox he NEVER looked at! (This makes more sense when I explain that we went to his Open House blindly. He had registered, but did not receive any email or postal mail confirmation of his attendance, and I didn’t think about it until he received a packet from another school confirming his attendance.)
We all loved the campus. We liked the fact that it’s a smaller campus within a reasonable driving distance. We liked the chemistry department and faculty. We liked the student to teacher ratio within the chemistry department (his interest for now). He came away from this Open House knowing that this is where he wants to go to school. I’m trying to encourage him to visit at least one more, but the next Open House is at a larger campus and he is adamant he likes the smaller campus. I don’t think I’m going to win the battle to get him to look any other campuses. I’m ok with that since I did the same exact thing when visiting business schools for myself many (many, many) years ago.
Holy shit, my ‘baby’ is looking forward to going off to college in the Fall.
The Bitch Desk 
